We are just strangers with much memories.

honestly, i guess lets be straightforward, this post is gonna be abt friendships.If u read halfway and feel as though,i crapping then dun read okay.

honestly, i'm tired for the fact that i have to act as though i'm happy, helping  people whom i dislike or dw to, i really hate it.But blame myself for being scare that all this friendships will be gone.but i guess, this isnt the right way to carry on.I have decided to cut certain ties with certains 'friends' because i frel that it not worth it.I mean dramas everyday, would u like it? no i dun.like u dun even know can u trust him/her or not.

and,i'm tired to people, who act as if they know me for decades and talk non stop,making use of me.Wats the point.Am i not that pathetic enough?
well just a goodbye to this list of people on my head right now.BYE.

Thankful that i have still a bunch of good friends,which i can count wirh my fingers,but who cares.At least they are the one that got me thru all those paranoids.

If only times could stop here....

hahahah, but its impoosible.'Time is money'Just really hope it will stop in July and August.

honestly,(in terms of studies)
July was a okay month, because it was my bday(hahaha okay lame)
but it just a month where things ismt this tedious yet
okay, so basically my bday was really great.
with clique and squadmates
really love them lots, for taking out the time to prepare

As for august as at 20AUG,
yay our exams is over, okay not really having any feel but i'm exhausted,never been this exhausted before.

Reflection for these months,(persobal life and school)
honestly,these few months there are lots of up and downs, stress, unmotivated,demoralised.
But i'm glad to have my clique and close friends to push me on...
i'm grateful for them to be in my life.
Sometimes i dont get my parents..when i made a decision, most of the times,my father will be like' yes thats good, work hard for it' but my mum would just say things to discourage me and often i was demoralised because of that one sentence she said to me sometimes back.
Almost everytime when i'm alone,having some peace, i would breakdown.Because, i find myself pathetic.I dunno why lol.its just really sad, when u try so hard, but shits just comes and u can never get wat u wan.

So yea, my daily lives during exams is:
sch>home>mac>study
thankful to have chong jian and nigel(sometimes) to accompany me to study,and help me with my revision.thank you *^▁^*
hahhaha!

oh yes and i caught 2 movie
the conjuring
that girl in pinafore(twice,cos uts awesome)

That girl in pinafore
The story was talking about this bunch of guys who were just slacking their days and also trying to study to go for their national exams and then to JC. and then there are these 3 girls also.
and after a help from the guys, they all became a clique.
and then their friendships soom became relationships.
In the movie, i feel that Julie and daren's relationship a true and really a relationship that went thru alot.
*long distance
*parent
i really envy them (': like ahhhhh whyyy so sweet
(i wish i have a relationship like them,but wait long long HAHA)
Next is, liyana and xiao pang!
really though they different race,they still manage to marry!!

sometimes, i missed being in a r/s but no, i told myself i cant, i doesnt want to be hurt again.The last experience was really painful.Till today, flashbacks of us still occurs in my mind.Thats why i choose to put away our photos and delete it.

But of all what really touches my heart was their friendships.
Even though,they came from all sorts of background,they stood by one another helping one another to overcome obstacles.
i Remember the most touching part was:
when julie went to the states to study, daren was really sad,and all of them, broke their piggy banks and dig out money to afford him a plane ticket to the states.

Its just really heartening,however good thing never last, eventually, the couple broke up, Julie past away,Daren married to other girl, liyana and xiao pang still together.
'As times go,perhaps we all get busier,we arent as close as how we used to be'
this strikes my mind.
1)10years down, where am i? who are still with me?
as i think and think i was tearing, because what if 10yearsdown, ur close friends arent there anymore, they forgot about you, just like strangers with many memories.
But sigh, 10years down i will see, as times always answer abt it.
We all have to have sometimes and think about the future.
But if if i ever forget about ur guys, rememeber, all this times, i really enjoyed been with your okay.Really love ur to infinity okay!!^^
may our friendships last (:

Goodnite :*

WARNING TO SELF.

'WARNING TO SELF
FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
I'm switching from 'we' to 'I'
and from 'two'to 'one'
I must learn to let go
It's like when you fly a kite
If the string snaps,it's time to let go..
And it's not just letting go with my hands
Its letting go of those hands of his in my heart...
that are still holding mine'

i feel that i held on too long, really long.whenever, i tried or have given up, there u come again, bring me up, and then u left me there hanging all by myself again.its just i'm really really exhuasted.
思念的记忆
当想忘记一个人，他却仿佛的出现。。。

PARANOID

Have you ever feel so paranoid,to the extend that every single things others do,for u that u even doubt whether it is real or fake...
Have you ever lost that much of confidence to the extend that u doesnt dare to think positive?all those positive thinkings just stop coming in?
For me yes i did.

I really dunno wat struke me so hard that, i just feels really paranoid.. i just really doubt many things,when people treat me good,i feel that maybe its like just to make me happy,but in de fact, they really really meant for my goodwill,but i just really cant help it but to doubt, no matter how much i psyched myself that they were for my own good but i cant stop all those thinkings.i just cant i really dunno why.i'm really sorry to all those ppl whom i had doubt, but i really cant  helped myself...
pratically, now i have lost all my confidence in myself...many events had happen that causes me to be so demoralised and its just really hit me real hard.
Is just all those things whom we put real hard work and effort in it, that made us confidence and motivates us,that we will do well,all those positives thoughts but in the end we just couldnt make it etc and we just got hit so so badly,that u can never believe in yourself that u can do well....

u can say i'm demoralise,insecure,sensitive etc but its my life.
Either u accept me,or else just leave my life.I doesnt wan to be hurt like how i was in the past.
I have a bunch of friends that are with me,and i am trying really hard to help myself for them.
They are my source of motivation.

They wipe away my tears ♥

wanted to post this as my first post(on thu)but then on fri we are going out as a clique so i waited till today (;
hahaha so basically today,i am gonna dedicate this post to my 大便 clique + marcus! hahaha!

remember how close we were in sec1, suddenly we all broke up into different clique, then we patch back, but when sec2, i drifted away from all of them due to many reasons..sec3 also, but then awhile later i clique back with yan ning and bernice haha, then after many incidents we all suddenly became closer than how we were in sec1! and then de friendship develop till now^^
Recently , i had many problems.just too much,and then remember when i'm really troubled,i when to tell them,they gave me really good advice, also they encourages me to carry on! really glad to have them back in my life (: reallly, i remember crying on tue, and thank god yan ning, bernice and nigel was still around in northpoint and i broke down in front of them, and they comfort me and wipe away my tears telling me'dun cry le,we are here' i really appreciate what they did for me(: then we had dinner together, and sry yan ning, i had to make u eat one more bowl of noodles to as to ensure that i wont feel left out(: thanks^^
i'm really grateful that they were there else i dunno wat i will do..

then last nite went SSC with le clique to makan dinner, then we had h2h talk session hahaja, practically trying to expose and disturb one anothers' crush.really meaningful nite spent with them ^^ HAHAHAHA!

yan ning, thank you for being there for me for all these years!i remember sec3 hahah, the cold shoulder u gave me,hahaha but now we are all so closeeeeeee!!^^ telling each other stuffs and all ^^
recently,u have been rather trouble,but no worry,i'm still here like how u were there for me!we will help u gain back ur heart feelings okay!!(; 一步一步慢慢来(:

bernice,thank you for being there for me too!we had never became so close though we same school for nearly 10years!hahaha, but we became really close already ^^ yayyyy, so no regrets^^ hahahah,also same thing, i'll be here for u too^^

ying rui,thanks for being here too for me!hahahah, glad that we became close after nearly 10years of schooling hahaha! and now that we are table buddies!hahaha but can dun be so smart hahaha!u know its soooooo stresss to sit beside u!hahahaha ur studies is so good! please take good care of ur younger sister okay!

'They wipe away tears that i cry.The good and the bad times,we've been through them all.you make me rise when i fall'

may our friendship continue to last (':

MY JOURNEY IN NPCC (:

Back to blogging, i dun know why hahah, maybe cos i was influnce by yan ning (:

so yes,i'm gonna talk abt my journey in YTNP (:

so apparently when i was posted to NPCC(my second choice) i was rather angry and upset.
Firstly,i was way so lonely as i was the only girl from my class back then.
secondly, theres not a single face,i'm familiar to.
so basically this makes me really hate it so much, but i did still went for training etc.
but there was this one training, i met this girl hahaha she was hui xin.
our convo
me:ur bottle?
hui xin:yup
me: *pass to her*
hui xin:*smile*
HAHAHAH cute right, and then we became
friend -> good friend-> best friend-> now sister!
then follow by qihua, hahaha i didnt really have any idea how i know her but yea hahaha!
so as training goes i was just a follower hahaha, so when i was appointed the Squad IC i was real scare cos i have never lead anyone, but then this was really a good opportunity, else i wouldnt be who i am today.
as times goes we went for sec1 camp,knew more squadmates ^^
AND BAMMMM HERE COME SEC2S, so there were many acitvities, like NCOC, NPAP etc hahaha!
i didnt participate in NPAP but i went for de preview. haha!so nth much to say

NCOC was the most memorable camp i would say.in my entire life, NCOC really made me grew,think and decide.right at the start of the camp i have a goal, my goal was 'just survive pls,i wish for nth else' because i was too afraid of the camp hahaha!
but then the officers really screw us up, when we made mistake etc, and then they scolded us, rahimi sir's motivational speech all, and my goal changed. it became ' wat u wan,work for it' hahaah.
then also ATC hahah! good old memories and also friendship!

sec3
was really bad start doesnt want to mention why.hahahah, but at that point of time, i was really really low and i lost passion amd motivation, however, mr quek, mr lin, danielle,agnes and zhongquan motivates me on and stood by my side supporting me i was really grateful to them, especially danielle, she made me feel motivates and made me worked really hard for wat i wan,and wat i wan in de future (: thank you danielle ♡♥
so yea was the unit adjuntant but it doesnt matters, because afterall post doesnt mean much.
went thru so much things like stresss etc.
when we officially took over, we were of cos quite lost, so yea, thru these journey as NCOs i learnt many things i had never understand when i was a cadet.
1) responsibility of the younger ones
2) the importance of NCO
3) most impt the feelong of being a NCO.

when i was a cadet,i doesnt really care abt the younger ones, but when i became NCO, i was really worried for my cadet,especially one time when i went for NPAP preview 2013 i was really worried for my cadet that they would fall out, but luckily they didnt
2&3 When we were a cadet, NCOs seems to be like some scary seniors scolsing us, torturing us,butttttttttt when i became a NCO i finally feel it, when we scold cadets is for their own good and finding unecessary problems.i feel that NCO  is impt to them, becauae NCO leads them and guide them to the correct path,just like how our seniors taught us.

sec4
of cos the dreading year and a long year...
the year where i habe to say goodbye to NPCC,but no worries i will be back as instructor if i can (:
but yea so i have already stand down from cca really many mixed feelings,but no matter how,we have gone thru many things we hasnt gone thru with any other ppl like NCOC.
so yea i'm proud of my achievement, who i am now ^^
thanks to YTNP, a family that is always there, welcoming you back no matter how long u step down (:
♡♥♡♥YTNP IS DE BEST ♥♡♥♡